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Hermenegildus Frankenbauer
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| For a people not known for their belligerence... |
[01 Feb 2005|07:15am] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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... my compatriots are certainly shedding a great deal of blood out there. I am only getting sporadic reports of violence, and something about a mob of people overwhelming a small force of Austronesian soldiers, but even with all my contacts I can only get limited information. Almost all forms of communication have been cut off for a long time now.
People are very frightened, and the situation is confused, to put it mildly. I have stayed at the office, to keep things under a minimum of control. I have not heard from Philomene nor from Isidorus in some hours, but I assume they are doing the same work I am doing: either keeping their civilian staff calm, or organizing militias, respectively.
My staff are all frantic for their families, and it has taken a great deal of effort for me to keep some of them from heading outside to look for lost loved ones. I have managed to keep them occupied, and have also put those security guards I know are loyal to our cause on alert to look for any opportunity to help seize control of this sector. It is unlikely, but it gives them something to do until the reinforcements arrive.
Tolliver, as usual, has been as steady as Gibraltar in all of this. Cool under pressure, although he must be as terrified as the rest, he has been invaluable in helping me provide food and some bedding, however inadequate it may be, to those people stranded in this Hab, and in reassuring those who were most frightened and distressed. He really has been most invaluable to me all these years. I hope he comes through this all right.
...
More sirens. I wonder what is happening now?
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| Succes appears to be on the horizon |
[25 Jan 2005|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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:::Protected Entry:::
Well, it would appear my colleagues in the EP aren't quite as far behind their deadline as I originally feared. This, on the whole, is good news. I am quite looking forward to seeing the looks on the face of my, err, esteemed Austronesian counterparts when the time comes to sort all this out.
I don't think this is the end of the matter by a long stretch, unfortunately. The Austronesians are unlikely to go down without a fight. I hope for their sakes that they do choose to surrender quietly and retreat back to First Sphere without too much fuss. A bloodless conflict, or at least as bloodless as it can be when taking into account the attacks from last week, would be in everyone's best interests. However, I don't see them backing down and losing face in such a grave way. It just isn't their way, from what I know of them. Still, I can always hope to be pleasantly surprised. I've already had one pleasant surprise this week, why not hope for two?
I have sent fibs already to a number of my contacts in the other embassies in the hopes of introducing them to young Lerah Qonoli and presenting her plan to them. I have hinted at what she has in mind, but of course these things are better presented in person. I will also talk to Isidorus Bhayani and Evzenie about it, although I suspect the latter may already be aware of this, as she is well in tune with all the resistance movements.
I must contact my notary about Evzenie. I have already discussed leaving her a small inheritance with him, but nothing is official as yet, and something tells me that time may be running out for me. Whether we have a close relationship or not, she is my child, and I do care for her. She has done well for herself, but I am well enough off, and my children are well enough provided for that I can easily leave her something, especially now that I no longer have to worry about making sure that my darling Ingrid will be taken care of after my passing.
My poor darling. I do miss her terribly, even now. Even though I am sure that her suffering has ended. It is at times like these when I envy those who believe in an afterlife, who can cling to the delusion that they shall be reunited forever with their loved ones once they have died. Still, I can look forward to the cessation of this terrible, aching longing that I have felt ever since Ingrid left me, this void that cannot be filled and instead eats away at me little by little, consumes me from the inside until there is nothing left.
...
All right. Enough of this maudlin foolishness. I shall count my blessings and be pleased that the EP has followed through on its promise, albeit a bit late.
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| New developments |
[21 Jan 2005|04:50pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
] |
:::Protected entry, on a fib not connected to the 'Plex:::
Things seem to be moving along nicely now. I met with young Lerah Qonoli, who seems to have a good head upon her shoulders. She has some very good ideas about where the colony should be headed if and when the Austronesians are removed from power, and in light of this I shall be giving her name to as many of my contacts as I can manage over the course of the next few days and weeks.
Ambassador Lazor may prove to be the most difficult to persuade, since she is rather suspicious of the young, to say the least, but I think I may be able to bring her 'round, since we face a common enemy for the moment. Besides, Lerah is a charming woman, and not as young as she could be. She certainly has a great deal of experience, and that speaks for itself. She also works with Gerhard Aerenthal, who is older than she and more experienced, and that will work in her favour, I should think, even if I trust her judgment more in these matters.
I am glad to think that there is a new generation of competent diplomats and politicians already poised to take their rightful place in history once the invaders have been evicted. I should not like to shuffle off this mortal coil thinking that I have left my work undone and Perseity without any hope of salvation. Right now I believe there is hope for our colony, even if she is unable to release herself from the shackles of slavery at this very moment, there is every reason to hope that the moment of freedom is very near at hand.
Va', pensiero, sull'ali dorate.
Va', ti posa sui clivi, sui colli,
ove olezzano tepide e molli
l'aure dolci del suolo natal!
Del Giordano le rive saluta,
di Sionne le torri atterrate.
O mia Patria, sì bella e perduta!
O remembranza sì cara e fatal!
Arpa d'or dei fatidici vati,
perché muta dal salice pendi?
Le memorie del petto riaccendi,
ci favella del tempo che fu!
O simile di Solima ai fati,
traggi un suono di crudo lamento;
o t'ispiri il Signore un concento
che ne infonda al patire virtù
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| I am too old for this shit |
[14 Jan 2005|06:32am] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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:::Protected entry, as usual:::
Kundugga attempted to manipulate me into making a public statement implicitly supporting the Austronesians, hinting at dire consequences and needless bloodshed if I refused.
Condemn violent resistance as "illegal and undemocratic." Pah! Perhaps that is all that is left.
I wonder if young J. M. received my article condemning the arrest of the Tengrists?I haven't seen it circulating, but then I am not privy to all the channels of communication that are open lately. Necessity is the mother of invention, I am proud to say. I am very proud of our citizens for refusing to lie down in the face of oppression. I am equally sorry that I am no longer in any condition to help them as I would have in my youth. I suppose I can only do so much now...
Europe promised me a Torus at Christmastime. It looks like their habit of being way behind schedule on all construction projects has not changed any since last I was in communication with them.
I wish Ingrid and the children were here. I am becoming increasingly isolated, and the house feels very empty, where before I could at least sense another living presence here. I miss the sound of laughter and distant talk, or the vid screen blaring some inane program that I would never watch voluntarily.
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever see my children again.
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| The dream has faded, the nightmare begins |
[13 Dec 2004|11:39am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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:::Recorded on a fib not connected to the Plex:::
For once, this is a vid fib, dictated from an armchair in 'Gildus' office at home. He looks tired and, surprisingly, thin, comparatively speaking. He's lost a great deal of weight, in any event, over the last few months, and his skin looks grey. He has deep circles under his eyes, and he leans back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as he speaks.
Those poor children. I hope that people will remember them as the martyrs they are. Perhaps I shall write an article about what happened, and send it along to that Professor MacGregor, in the hopes that he will be able to have it circulated anonymously. I would like to see the footage that was taken, if the person who took it was able to get away. I have only a second-hand account to go on right now.
At least now the Austronesians have shown their true colours. There is no mistaking that they are trying to rule Second Sphere with an iron fist, to impose their own morality, their own worldview, and abide no opposition, no matter how mild, no matter how peaceful.
They opened fire on a group of pacifists sitting on their property, who made no open gesture of violence, whose only open gesture of protest was to stand up and ask them by what right they had invaded a religious temple; by what right they had defiled a place of worship. A perfectly legitimate question. By answer, they killed one of their number, wounded fourteen others, routed the rest, and threw those they could in prison.
They are barbarians acting under a sham of law and order. They are making a travesty of democracy... Gildus sighs and shakes his head despondently.
Evzenie came to see me, before I heard about the tragedy. Separated as I am from all my children but Rudy, I was glad to see her, even if she does not really consider me her father, apart from biologically. I wish she would come to see me more often socially. She never really does.
She was all business, as usual. She wanted to know whether or not to impart information to young Jero McGregor. I told her to go ahead. The more the truth gets out there, the more the public is informed, the more likely we are to get rid of the Austronesians quickly.
This latest trouble with the Tengrists will likely prove to be a double-edged sword. People will be outraged, of course, but the Austronesians will no doubt crack down three times as hard on anyone who so much as looks sideways at someone in authority. It will be extremely difficult to organize any kind of resistance movements now.
I will weather the storm, just as I have weathered others. I am tired, though. I was not this tired before. It seems my age may be catching up to me after all. I am one hundred and nine years old now, and before all this happened, I was seriously contemplating retirement. Right now, though, there is no one who would take my place. No one that I know of, in any event. So much seems to rest upon me, and there seems to be no one around me any longer with whom I can share the burden. No one with whom I can talk, not even Ingrid.
Over the years I have grown accustomed to shouldering a great deal of responsibility, but this is a great weight to bear, even for me.
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| Developments |
[07 Nov 2004|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
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:::Written on a fib that isn't connected to the 'Plex or any other interactive system:::
So much has happened lately, and in so little time, that I have barely had time to catch my breath, let alone write anything down. I have managed to secure this little fib so that it cannot be accessed by anyone other than myself, and I shall lock it with several passwords as well as an encryption key one of my security personnel gave me. Hopefully, should the Austronesians decide that I should be spied upon more thoroughly, they will not be able to get their hands on this.
First and foremost, I suppose I must mention that AEGIS is far from gone from this Sphere. I am almost sad. Those people are truly almost as bad as those against whom they are meant to protect us. Still, I suppose that the times make for interesting bedfellows when trying to rid our Sphere of an invading force.
In other words, an AEGIS agent managed to sneak her way onto Perseity. Lyana Azizova Balamut is not a woman who inspires a great deal of confidence, but then, I have yet to meet an AEGIS agent who does. She certainly seems to be a great deal saner than Quaquin Elmore, about whom I shall speak in a moment. She has managed to infiltrate the trade mission of the Provisional Government, and her instructions are to provide me with information and advice on how to proceed. I do hope that she will not prove a mentally ill liability, the way Elmore did.
Elmore has apparently committed suicide. The man was cracked to begin with, and then there was that horrifying story of creating a double of himself which he used as a cover to commit political assassination. Now, my question is: which of the two is actually dead? Supposing there were two to begin with, of course. It would be easy for Quaquin to assassinate his newly-created "twin" in order to better go into hiding and cause even more chaos.
I wonder if I should speak to Ms. Balamut about this. It seems unpolitic to reveal to her that her director here was ganz verrückt, but having her labour under a misapprehension the entire time might somehow end up being even worse.
There is a bright spot on the horizon, however. Julien tells me in a secret fib message that Europe is building a Torus which should be ready by Christmas. Added to this is the somewhat guarded support coming from Nova Carpathia. Ambassador Lazor and I have come to a tentative arrangement already, and I look forward to hearing from her and other allies she says are willing to come to our aid.
The one snag, of course, is that they want a great deal of control in how Perseity is run after the Austronesians are thrown out. I cannot guarantee any of this to them, of course, nor do I feel particularly comfortable with that thought. Perseity has, of late (at least until this recent invasion), become increasingly comfortable with a high level of independence. I don't foresee that any of its citizens will deal well with the idea of simply transferring power from one highly-militarized government to another.
Speaking of Perseity's citizens, I received a fib today from Lerah Qonoli, of all people. Since she retired from diplomacy and opened her bar, I hadn't heard much from her, apart from the gala last March and a few news reports here and there. It does sound like she is getting back into the political game, even if marginally, and that very likely means Gerhard may come back into the fray as well.
I am interested to hear what it is, exactly, that she has to say to me.
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| Lieber Gott im Himmel |
[14 Oct 2004|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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:::several hours later:::
It is as I feared it would be.
The Austronesians were able to build their Torus first, and they have invaded Second Sphere. They are, even now, threatening the sanctity of this station, demanding that I transfer my authority over to them, making Perseity a protectorate of Austronesia instead.
They are, naturally, refusing to allow me or anyone else to communicate with Europe. If we do not comply with their demands, they will disable the station, endangering everyone on board.
There is very little I can do. We have twelve hours, even less now, to come up with an alternate solution, but thus far all my efforts have met with little success. The other nations' ambassadors appear too frightened, or too wary, of Austronesian might to take a firm stand on this issue along with us.
I have sent messages directly to all the governments of the nations of Second Sphere, entreating them to join forces to help us, but even if they acquiesce, any levying or mustering of forces will take quite some time.
In the meantime, I will have to sign this abominable document in order to preserve the lives of the citizens I have sworn to represent and protect to the best of my abilities. Preserve life, yes, but at what cost, I keep asking myself?
I have a grave and terrible responsibility, and yet no matter what course of action I take, I am damned.
Verdammt!
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| If ever I needed proof that one had to be mad to join AEGIS |
[14 Oct 2004|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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The dinging of the cooker in the kitchen |
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I had the most singular interview with Philo and Quaquin Elmore the other day. Only, he claims not to be Quaquin Elmore, but rather a modded doppelgänger masquerading as the Director of AEGIS while Elmore himself traipses around investigating mysterious leads into the CAP.
The most disturbing part? This "second" Elmore claims that the original is in fact responsible for the murder of Anastazi Szabo, as Datini, the main accused, has asserted all along.
I always knew the man was unbalanced, but this clinches the matter. No matter whether the story is true, or whether Elmore has sunk into a profound psychotic delusion about having an "evil twin" running about causing mischief, this is the ultimate proof that the man is completely cracked.
...
A priority fib from Captain Bhayani. This doesn't bode well at all...
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| So much has happened lately... |
[23 Sep 2004|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
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I hardly write in this thing anymore. I barely have time to myself, and somehow I do not like the idea of spending all my time in front of a fib screen, especially after spending so much time with my fib while at work.
The Nova Carpathians are being maddeningly evasive about their plans for their Torus. I realize that Perseity is not in a position of strength right now, but it is still most frustrating to be thus kept in the dark. I am one of the most influential people on the colony, and yet I find myself virtually powerless.
I suppose all I can do now is grit my teeth and bear it until the situation is resolved.
In the long line of political upheavals, Anastazi Szabo has been assassinated. During an interview, no less. It would seem that the prime suspect for the moment is the reporter, Vincenzo Datini. Certainly if the boy is innocent, he is the victim of an incredible set of circumstances: he reported on the terrorist attacks in October, was present at the CAP benefit where Councillor Weddel was poisoned and where I was presumably given that microtransmitter.
After speaking with Philo today, I found out that he made some wild accusations a few months ago, claiming that "subversive" elements of the CAP were engaging in terrorist behaviour in order to garner sympathy for their cause. It was cut from her interview, but it is significant, nonetheless.
After his interview with young Dr. MacGregor, I dismissed Datini as lacking somewhat in perspicacity, I confess. I wouldn't have thought him capable of coming up with such a plan on his own, nor can I think how he would have got his hands on such a subtle and rare type of weapon. Taylor-made for Szabo... it must be difficult to come up with. Still, perhaps I didn't give him enough credit. It was just that some of those questions were so... well, idiotic, not to put too fine a point on it. All he managed was to antagonize his subject, and in a friendly interview that usually isn't the point. He's hardly carved himself the reputation Jasper Chumley has for being confrontational. (As an aside, I do hope that blowhard gets thrown into jail for a while to cure him of his cannibalistic habits. Disgusting, sordid, appalling affair.)
No doubt thorough psychological evaluations will be made to see whether this Datini fellow is unbalanced or otherwise susceptible to suggestion or somesuch. I am curious to see what they will uncover. If he's acting like some sort of vigilante, poisoning people in order to "protect" Perseity, something will have to be done in order to stop him. The main thing is to prevent him from hurting anyone else, if that is indeed what is happening.
I shall try to update this journal more regularly. It seems to help me sort out my thoughts.
I do hope things do not worsen from here.
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| It's strange... |
[01 Aug 2004|09:27am] |
The house feels no different lately. I keep having to remind myself that I do not have to go to the medbay in C-Hab today for my customary visit, and every time I do, I feel another piece of my heart break.
I cannot describe this terrible, empty and aching feeling. Somehow words seem inadequate to render the sensation of loss.
Rudi will be staying until after the funeral, for which I am grateful. We have not discussed whether he will be returning to his painting on Akkad afterward, but I assume he will not give up his passion simply because his Mama has passed on.
Perhaps the reality of it all will hit me later.
I am grateful that I was able to speak to her at the very last, before she succumbed. She seemed very much like her old self, if weak and subdued. There was no sign of dementia or a slackening of her wits. She was a bit confused, perhaps, but nothing more.
I am trying not to wonder if the procedure would have saved her life if we had had it performed when her condition was stable. Such worries are useless, perhaps even destructive.
"If wishes were horses, beggars might ride,
If turnips were watches, I'd wear one by my side,
And if ifs and ands were pots and pans there'd be no work for tinkers."
The service is tomorrow.
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| Oh, my poor children... |
[29 Jul 2004|10:46pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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I wish you had been here to see your mother in her last hours... Instead, Rudi and I are alone here, cloaked in our grief and unable to take comfort in your presence. I am so sorry that the first thing you will learn when we speak again is that you shall never see your Mama ever again...
I am not sure how to go on from here. Even when she was at her worst, Ingrid was a great source of comfort and happiness. Yet go on I must. I must continue to fulfill my duties and functions to the very best of my abilities. It is what I have been entrusted with, and it would not behoove me to shirk my responsibilities, no matter the events taking place in my private life.
It seems that one calamity after another is dogging my footsteps. If I were not old enough to know better, I might rail against the unfairness of it all. Now I suppose I am, perhaps not resigned, but at least somewhat reconciled to the idea that life sometimes deals us very hard blows, for no reason other than that is the course of existence.
OOC:
Couldn't help but think of a song by Jacques Brel, of which this is the last stanza. Les Vieux:
Les vieux ne meurent pas, ils s'endorment un jour et dorment trop longtemps
ils se tiennent par la main, ils ont peur de se perdre et se perdent pourtant
et l'autre reste là, le meilleur ou le pire, le doux ou le sévère
cela n'importe pas, celui des deux qui reste se retrouve en enfer
vous le verrez peut-être, vous la verrez parfois en pluie et en chagrin
traverser le présent en s'excusant déjà de n'être pas plus loin
et fuir devant vous une dernière fois la pendule d'argent
qui ronronne au salon, qui dit oui qui dit non, qui leur dit: je t'attends
qui ronronne au salon, qui dit oui qui dit non et puis qui nous attend.
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| I am curious to see how this interview turns out |
[25 Jul 2004|05:09pm] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
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That young Ms. Wade has a very incisive mind. I was most pleased with how the interview went, although I think Philo may have a stroke when she hears some of what I had to say. None of it should come as a great shock to her, since she already knows where I stand on all those issues, but I think that perhaps she is a fraction too young to remember me when I was more actively involved in politics and not simply Europe's Ambassador.
I have always been a great proponent of transparency, and I believe that now, more than ever, it is important to keep the public as informed as possible. Naturally, it is not possible to reveal everything, since a great number of those with whom we are negotiating also watch these vidcasts, but nonetheless I think I may have said more than most of my colleagues would have felt comfortable divulging. Why that is, is hard to imagine, unless one puts oneself in a more paranoid frame of mind. After all, a very little bit of digging would reveal that, and possibly much more.
The issue of the veto is a trickier subject, I must admit. I cannot conceive of using my veto to block a declaration of independence, unless I truly had reason to believe that such a move would jeopardize the safety of the colony. Right now such a move would be tantamount to suicide, and I would have no compunction vetoing it until they come to a more reasonably outcome. But in a year? Eighteen months? Two years? I do not think I could do so in good conscience.
In essence, Ms. Wade cannily brought up all the issues that are plaguing me right now. I gave her what answers I could, and I hope that shall suffice. It is difficult to be reassuring and at the same time admit that one doesn't have all the answers. Then again, if I did have all the answers, I do not think that would make me more trustworthy as a leader. People do not want the answers spoon-fed to them, and seeing their leaders struggle alongside them may in fact be better for morale, as long as these aforementioned leaders do not in fact crack under the pressure.
It is up to us to lead by example. I can only pray that I shall live up to everyone's expectations.
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| Progress |
[22 Jul 2004|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
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I am quite exhausted after these last two weeks. I am being forced to face my own mortality, whether I like it or no, both in the guise of Ingrid's terrible illness and the incredible effort it is taking for me to sustain an intense level of activity.
Even ten years ago, I think I might have been able to do this and not feel the effects as much. But now I fear the effort is taking its toll. I hope that things will calm down enough shortly for me to take off one day a week (barring emergencies). Otherwise I am not certain I will be able to maintain this frenetic pace.
I spoke with Philo today, who seems almost as worn out as I feel. We both agreed that we might have to dance with the Devil on more than one front in the coming weeks.
For one, we will have to play nicely with young Mabrey, despite his distasteful approach to things. Yes, yes, I know that he could have done a lot worse, but the implied threat of stonewalling us at every turn should we not comply with his wishes is truly irksome. I think Philo was surprised when I revealed to her that I am not entirely against Perseity's becoming more autonomous once communication with Europe is restored.
Still, she agreed with my assessment, and we may find ourselves holding a referendum once things are back to "normal" if one may use that unfortunate term in this context.
We also have a great deal on our plates with regards to the other nations of Second Sphere, notably Nova Carpathia. We have very little with which to negotiate, but I am reasonably certain that the threat of Austronesia's building the new Torus first can be useful as a bargaining chip. I am not certain how effective it will be, but I am sure the Nova Carpathians are not keen on having Austronesia pull the carpet out from under their feet.
Nonetheless, they will bear watching. It is undeniable that they are militaristic and expansionist, and there are one hundred of them to each of us. It would be unwise to put ourselves in too compromising a position just yet. I for one would like to see at least two nations helping Perseity, so that none have exclusive control over the proceedings here by virtue of increased military and financial might.
I shall write more later. Right now I believe I will head to bed.
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| No time to refute such silliness... |
[16 Jul 2004|06:56pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
] |
Jasper Chumley's interview did not altogether surprise me, but I do wish that he would keep his ad hominem style of campaigning away from Perseity. It is highly distasteful.
He has a point, in that my post is unelected, and he is welcome to think me senile and incompetent if he so desires, although in the unlikely event that he is elected it will make it exceedingly difficult to work with him.
I expect I have probably become more unpopular lately, what with my suddenly being foisted on the population of Perseity. It is most unfortunate, but cannot be helped. Hopefully the crisis will be resolved quickly. Either that, or I shall discuss with Philo when next I see her a timeline for arranging proper elections.
I understand that people must worry that I will abuse my new position. In their place, I might worry as well. I do not feel justified in speaking out in my own defense, at present. I think I will let my actions speak for themselves. That is likely to take a great deal more time, but ultimately will be the most effective strategy, I think. I will have to be circumspect, at the very least.
Young Mabrey in the meantime is all gung-ho about independence, much as I suspected. He came into my office and came quite close to blackmailing me, insinuating that he would only support me in office if I supported Perseity's independence later, when communication with Europe is restored. Presumptuous young pup. I can understand why he wishes to manoever in this way, but it is most unbecoming, and I do not like negotiating in this fashion, useful though it may be. I must rely a great deal on the support of the Council members, however, if I wish this colony to run smoothly over the next few months, and he knows it. If he raises public outcry against me, it will make things impossible to manage.
Philo will be very upset about this, I am sure, or I do not know her at all. I hope that together we can find an adequate compromise that will keep that young hothead from succumbing to the radical elements in his movement. That in itself is worrisome, since he is a demagogue (it takes one to know one, I suppose), and is likely to bow to their wishes if there is no strong counterpoint to their demands. I can only hope he is stronger-willed than that.
In the meantime, I still have several hours' worth of work ahead of me, and I must get to it if I wish to visit Ingrid in the hospital tonight.
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| Faster than a striking snake |
[14 Jul 2004|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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 cynical |
] |
Young Mabrey has asked to meet with me on Friday, and I must admit that I am not looking forward to this at all.
He is a decent young fellow, I will give him that. Passionate about his work and his cause, even if I do not agree with it. It is his democratic right, after all, as long as he stays within the limits of the law and does not infringe upon the rights of others.
I cannot help but think that he will use this tragedy to further his cause as much as possible. Now that we are cut off from Earth, it would be an ideal time to declare independence, after all, and I know he must see it that way. A blessing in disguise, or something like that.
I have grave misgivings about all this. Our last meeting ended in a shouting match, and I am not proud of that. However, I will endeavour to keep my temper in check this time. After all, it would not do to sink to the same level twice in a row. As far as I can tell, while the initiative lies with young Mabrey, he cannot do much without a great deal of outside support, and that will be my greatest advantage.
It is not that I disagree with him entirely. I do believe Perseity might function more than adequately as an independent colony, but I also firmly believe in getting there in a democratic fashion. If he proposes to separate unilaterally, I will certainly not be able to condone it. Especially not at a time like this, when emotional manipulation will be much more effective than it normally would. Departing without Europe's consent or even input is simply unacceptable at present.
I think I might be more willing to compromise if a great deal of time elapses without our being able to restore contact. I will not be able to remain in office indefinitely, after all, and the person who replaces me must have the approval of the people of Perseity. I am not sure how long I would wait, but it must be several months at least, perhaps a year or more, with absolutely no hope in sight of reaching Earth.
Of course, it is not really my decision to make. I must speak with Philomene about this, to make sure we are on the same page. I think she may take a stance far more radical than my own about the independence of Perseity, which jeopardizes her position far more than it does my own. I would still be European Ambassador, although the absence of contact with Earth would greatly limit my functions. I must confess that that would not be unwelcome at this stage in the game. I am tired, and these events, I think, may have shaken me more than I care to admit, even to myself.
I do hope that young Mabrey has the sense to maintain at least a semblance of decorum. If he rushes about crying "Independence!" at such a sensitive time, he may create many new enemies for himself. However, I have come to know his tactics well enough to believe that he will not commit any serious faux pas for the next little while.
I am curious to see how much support he will be able to garner now.
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| More than a little overwhelmed |
[12 Jul 2004|07:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
This is the first time I have made an important change in my diplomatic career without having Ingrid with me. Or at least, it's the first time in at least forty years...
This change was forced upon me, granted, but it still feels odd to have no one to converse with about all this, save my colleagues. Ingrid was not a politician, but she always provided me with wonderful insights, before her illness.
I am quite overwhelmed by all of this. I was already questioning whether or not I should think of retiring before this tragedy hit, and now... I have no choice but to continue, at least until the situation is much more stable. There is no question that my stepping down now would unbalance everything far more than it is now.
I am getting too old for this. I want to spend time with my dying wife, and instead I find myself having to attend emergency meetings that last for hours, without knowing in the meantime what is happening to Ingrid or Rudi.
Still, my duty is clear. I will stay as long as I can be of use to the colony. Although this is one of those times when I wish I was more the type to shirk my responsibilities...
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| Sudden devastation... |
[08 Jul 2004|09:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 indescribable |
] |
What a terrifying mess. I cannot begin to fathom where this will lead us, nor what will happen in the next few days.
I do not think I have ever been at such a loss.
All our ties with Earth have been severed, dozens killed, hundreds injured. I am trying not to think of the thousands lost in transit. My own children and grandchildren, coming to visit Ingrid, perhaps... I have no way of knowing, now. It is best not to dwell on such things.
I have not been able to contact Rudi yet. Everything around here is far too hectic. I hope he is all right, and keeping his mother company.
Of all improbable developments, I will find myself wielding a fair bit more power after forty-eight hours. I will be standing in for Julien, in fact. The thought is an alarming one, on a theoretical level. I have no doubt that I will perform my duties to the best of my abilities, but this power in the hands of the wrong individual... I shudder to think of the consequences.
I can only hope that I will be able to rise to the occasion.
I expect I should prepare a statement about these events. Doubtless I shall have to make my presence felt as a voice of calm and reason over the next few days...
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| Mein Liebchen... |
[13 Jun 2004|02:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
My darling is in a coma. Somehow, everything that I have been doing has paled into insignificance in comparison with this. I left her this morning in good spirits, and suddenly, while watching a vid, of all stupid things, she suffered a seizure and collapsed.
My companion of over sixty years, almost seventy, despite our periods of separation... and now I risk losing her entirely.
We had six beautiful children together, built a life together, once we understood her troubles. I can't imagine life without her, indeed, I never once contemplated a life without her. She was so much younger than I, it seemed inevitable to me that I should be the first to depart from this world.
Now I face the very real, very stark possibility that I may be alone in our house, without my beloved by my side. It did not matter before that her mind wandered, for some of her personality still remained, and she did not seem to suffer for it.
Ingrid... what shall I do without you?
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| Damn and blast. |
[07 Jun 2004|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
irritated |
] |
My assumption was correct, although I don't think I would ever have guessed what Ambassador Pieris had in mind for me today at De Molen.
Would you believe that the woman attempted to seduce me? I'd laugh too, were I in your shoes. Incredible as it may seem, the woman made unmistakable overtures. Downright blatant. Any more blatant and she'd have undressed in my filet of sole.
Hrmph.
All I wonder is whether she thought of this herself as a useful politicking tool, or whether she was put up to it? If the latter, I wonder by whom, precisely?
I really am most put out by this, if only because I really am far too old for such shenanigans.
The woman is undeniably attractive, indeed she is quite beautiful, but why a woman like that would have any interest in a corpulent man who is one hundred and seven years of age and cannot walk without a cane or an electromagnetic wheelchair is beyond me. Which is precisely why the act was a little difficult to digest.
She did seem sincere, which is somewhat troubling. It makes one wonder whether she is not somewhat touched in the head. All that drivel about my strong convictions and being passionate about my work. If she wants passion, she should try her luck with young Mabrey. Then again, he might be at an even greater disadvantage, height-wise, than I.
Bah. The gall of the woman, using Ingrid's illness as a tool to win me over, clucking sympathetically at me as though I would fall into her arms in gratitude! The nerve!
I think I shall ask Tolliver what he knows of this woman's behind-the-scenes activities tomorrow, simply to put my mind at rest. If she is known for using her physical charms to win over male colleagues, then at least I shall know where I stand.
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| I really do seem to dislike using the journal feature of this fib |
[06 Jun 2004|01:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
Ambassador Pieris has invited me to dine with her later today, to thank me for my "efforts" in ensuring that Levante would be involved in the Torus project.
I am a little skeptical, myself, as I did not overly exert myself in this matter, but good relations are always useful things to maintain, and so I accepted the invitation. I don't think Ingrid will be able to come with me, although hope springs eternal, as they say.
I wonder what lies beneath this particular invitation. I am unconvinced that it is sheer gratitude that motivates this sudden largesse on the part of the Ambassador.
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frankenbauer's journal